I realize I’ve been lagging behind here a bit. It’s going to take me a bit of time before I can start updating regularly again. To that end, I’m gonna start posting a “best of dodger” series of things I’ve written in the past for OTHER things.
So for those of you who haven’t seen these before (which is pretty much everyone) enjoy!
Storytime With Dodger
And now it’s time again for story time with Dodger. So gather ’round, ye little ones, and hear a grande olde fable of ages past…
Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a girl named Little Red Riding Hood.
Red lived with her Grandmother, and they were very poor… so poor that they were unable to buy food to eat. Now it’s probably true that if Grandmother had kicked her cocaine habit that they might not have been so poor, but that’s another story.
So after crying her eyes out following her 19th giftless Birthday in a row, Red decided she wanted to do something about this. She looked through the papers and found a job dancing for strangers at Ye Olde Pepperminte Rhyno, a tavern nearby, under the name of “Little Pink Pleasure Hood” (to protect her Identity).
It wasn’t long, however, before she attracted the attentions of a seedy gentleman named B.B. Wolfe. Wolfe wouldn’t leave her alone. He was constantly bothering her, making unwelcome advances and so forth. But Red kept turning him down, and he got pretty bitter about it.
So one night, he followed Red home. Then, when she went out to work the next day, he went in and stuffed her Grandmother in a closet. (She didn’t mind, as she was already whacked out of her skull from her morning “dose.”)
After experimenting for a while, Wolfe picked out his favorite flower print MuMu and waited in Grandmother’s bed for Red to arrive home from work.
When Red arrived from work, sporting some shopping bags full of food for Grandmother (as she usually got the munchies upon waking from her daily coma) she saw Wolfe in the bed and screamed loud enough to wake the dead.
“Holy Shit!” Red cried. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
And then she pulled out her pistol and shot Wolfe to death.