The last few days when people come to help me
the spiders pour out from my brain and crawl on them.
I try to stop the spiders with clenched teeth,
or with hands over my ears or eyes.
As their sickening alternatives present themselves
my own reasonable options fall below.
Fuck, it screams, shit. Smash it all and let them burn.
Another part wants silence (but it will never get silence).
The third part…
The third part is far too afraid of silence to ever let that happen.
It plays itself out as a comedy of errors. I’m paraded across the stage,
stagger and stumble my way through the play. I botch lines I never was told to memorize
and the crowd laughs and jeers and cries
Here’s the worst part, the absolute WORST part:
Even after I lose and I’m done and I’m crumbled and beaten and they’ve all finally won.
I still keep having to fucking GO ON.