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It’s been a slow week for me, which is nice. Gives me a chance to decompress a little after the recent crunch, which is cool.

It also means that I have time to write here again, which is double cool.

Unfortunately for you all, that means I have time to post my senseless jumbles of random words, which for some reason people seem to enjoy reading.

So here we go:

There are few things in the world as sad as the plight of the European Speckled Flying Dolphin. While it is true that this animal has the distinguished honor of being not only one of the few mammals to live under the sea, but also one of the few mammals that can fly — it is also true that this majestic creature is often hunted for its luxuriously soft fur.

According to statistics posted by PETMA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Mythological Animals), there are fewer than 200 of these amazing animals left in the wild and less than three dozen that have been domesticated, put into zoos, or kept in private collections worldwide.

You may say to yourself “what does the plight of this imaginary animal have to do with me?” Well that’s a very good question, and to answer it we need to delve into the subject of another cryptozoological creature known as the Chupacabra.

The Chupacabra, whose name comes from the Spanish chupar, which means “to suck” and cabra which means “goat”, was first discovered in Latin America. The size of a small bear, this creature lives to suck the blood from livestock, especially goats (hence it’s name).

A little known fact about Chupacabras is that they have very few natural enemies. Besides man, who of course could kill and eat them (if they could ever catch them), the only natural predator of a Chupacabra is the European Speckled Flying Dolphin.

Ah ha, I see the cold reality is finally beginning to dawn on you, but I will explain further.

Before the end of the 20th century, Chupacabra sightings were limited mainly to Mexico and other South American countries, but recently they’ve been popping up everywhere. In 2006, they were spotted in Texas, Central Russia, and Maine.

By now, they’re probably living in your back yard.

And how, you may ask, did they escape their Latin American prison? I’ll put it to you plainly… they swam out. The ceaseless hunting and killing of the European Speckled Flying Dolphin has allowed these devilish creatures access to more of the world. And unless we do something to help our poor aquatic friends, soon the Chupacabras will be everywhere. Give frequently and give generously. Operators are standing by.

Who knows, one could be living in your neighbor’s house right now.

Wearing his hat.

Looking at you through the blinds.

Grinning.

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